Priceless

Nice guys finish last.
You're running out of gas.
Your sympathy will get you left behind.
Sometimes you're at your best, when you feel the worst.
You feel washed up, like piss going down the drain.

Nice Guys Finish Last - Green Day.

Makes me kind of wonder if I really need to be a bastard to get by in life. There's a woman of course....she's been around me for a while but recently things have been different...different in a good way.

She's said some things which have really made me sit up and notice how much of a wonderful person she is. So easy to talk to, she's confided in me about a few things too - and she's got an arse to die for!

Things don't look right for a relationship right now due to certain issues but that doesn't mean I don't want it to happen. Going to meet up with her soon but just her and me. I'm not going to try anything on, it's not that sort of thing, I just want to spend time with her, have a larf, be mates, that sort of thing.

We just seemed to click so quickly. She was wary of me to start off with but we've become really close - whatever happens, she's my friend and that puts a big smile on my face each time I think of her.

Xlek tiy rqlr

It's amazing how wrong you can be when you're convinced you know you're right.

That's all I have to say today.

Blastivity

Can't help but worry about M+D. 2 weeks.

Am in more pain again tonight. Must have taken a vicious back bump in training today (Newport) but seemed to impress Ed and the gang - that's all that matters. Really different to Karl's session. Better in some ways but that's because his style seems to suit me more. Anyway, Justin took me down with a stiff armbar and I guess I wasn't ready for it - felt like my elbow was about to pop out. He's professional enough and I don't really mind. At least I know it's not this month.

Got a lot to sort out this week. Need to see my solicitor tomorrow to take care of matters. Some people just won't learn the easy way. Bring it on guys, you want to do it the hard way? You know where I live.

Void

My chest is killing me. And my abs. Actually all my front is stinging. Went to Sunrays this afternoon to get my chest waxed. I keep forgetting how much it hurts.

Last night's show was class, kudos to Chris for organising it. Definately one of the best I've seen in a while. Ed was on the card, it's always good to catch up with him, I learn so much from the guy. We had a chat after his match and he made me an offer to appear on his show next week in a rumble - man, I almost bit his hand off! Was buzzing about it all night so I made plans to change my workout routine to get as well defined as I can in just over a week, that's why I got waxed today.

I had some ideas for the show so I called him to discuss them - only to find the show isn't the date I thought it would be - it's a few months away. So I went through the pain of waxing for nothing.

Happy days...

Well, not entirely wasted.

Mam and dad are going on their cruise tomorrow - have to admit I'm slightly concerned seeing as they're not insured. Have to be up at 5am to take them to the bus station. Up at 5am this morning, tomorrow morning and probably 6am on sunday when Alyssa decides it's time to get up.

Nice.

Rhymney

You will NEVER get the chance to do that to me again.

Toploading

This evening Alyssa and I were watching tv and during the ad break, an advert for some toy came on and she asked "Daddy, can I have that for Christmas?".

Now bear in mind she was 3 just over a month ago and started school last week so she's becoming a lot more self-aware.

"only if you're a good girl babe" I replied.

"I'm a good girl daddy" was her hasty response. "Well we'll see what Santa says" was my comeback which seemed to satisfy her.

Being this time of year, the next ad was for some toy. "Daddy, can I have that for Christmas please?" she piped up. And we had the same conversation. Ditto the next 2 adverts.

The reason I'm mentioning this is she's never specifically asked for anything for Christmas before. Obviously it's natural for her to come out with that sort of thing but it's a reminder of how she's growing up. She comes out with all sorts of things like that these days, each reminding me that my baby isn't a baby anymore - she's now a young girl. And right now she's sleeping directly above me despite the best efforts of the local chavs who are setting off fireworks.

It's so ironic, looking at Alyssa coming in to being a little person when you compare all this to my father's health. He's been having random nosebleeds for a few weeks now, he's seen 2 specialists and they stopped for a while but they returned and he's seeing a third tomorrow. Mam told me what she thinks it might be and we'll find out more on monday. Hopefully they'll go away on their cruise next week but.....you never know.

Adrenalise

Ever feel like you're playing out a part in a life-long performance? It's as if we go through the motions of a script. Sometimes it's like evrything is pre-planned and we just make our way around it all.

Wednesday's wait becomes today's wait - this is all pretty confusing. With this pain in my jaw I don't know what to think but tonight will still be as normal.

I bought Muse's album the other day, Black Holes and Revelations. It was either that or Snow Patrol's album and I wish I'd gone for that. I wanted Muse because I really liked Starlight but that's about the only track on there I like - maybe it'll grow on me.

C the K keeps on confusing me, not giving me any indication of where I am. Each time I think I get an idea, something changes.

Why do I keep feeling that something big is around the corner?

Friends titles

It's always flattering when someone takes enough interest in you to post your mobile number on the internet - so I've been given a new number. Big up to the guys at Orange, they sorted it out nice and quickly.

Birmingham was good, I enjoyed meeting some of the others, shame there weren't more. I had to leave early because of Alyssa but I hope our paths will cross again. I don't belong there though. I don't belong an any major city - Swansea will do fine.

Wednesday will be a step closer to total connection - I've waited a long time for this. Will they realise their significance to me? I doubt it but once we've made that connection, that'll be me set up for a LONG time.

Ibis

Can't anything happen the way I expect it to? That's not to say things are bad - actually they're good, really good. But I guess life ain't meant to be predictable. That's God for you.....