Honestly what will become of me, don't like reality

Working at the Bay View. Mam and Dad's health. Starting at the gym. Andrew WK. PPW. Joe E Legend. E Street. Imogen in BB. The photos. Escort. W800i. Celtic. NWA. Alyssa and me. Coventry. Cultech. Tattoo. Filters. Family! Jan. Merthyr. Catrin!

I've forgiven, but I won't ever forget what you started 4 years ago tonight.

Someone like you puts me off my food

Massive, massive clean-up today. Got to get the place looking good for my little princess tomorrow.

After all the messing about with Mastercard and paypal, I finally was able to order my stuff from ebay - very impressed with my tv remote coming within 24 hours. Just waiting on the spray and 1 Gb card for my phone. Bought loads of clobber in town and Swansea yesterday, can't beat Burtons in a sale! I'm seriously impressed.

Got a lot of thinking to do for my annual 'looking back' list. Pity I've got to work in the day.

And I'll be spending the night exactly as I did 12 months ago. Staying in with my little girl. And although I won't regret doing it like that, next year will be different.

I feel good, I knew that I would.

Up at half 7, no real point though! Quite a good day, had a duster (?) from my parents (it was a joke present), £100, David Beckham, Eternity and Deisel aftershaves from Kathryn, a wallet with my new initials from Cathy, and other bits and pieces as well as Satnav - kind of 'shared ownership' on that :D

Well I'll be setting it up and programming it all the time...

Picked Alyssa up at 11, she opened all her presents here, she was having a great time and then we went to Cathy's for lunch. Alyssa was very well behaved and we took her home by 4, really good day. Looking forward to wednesday though, as well as the weekend. Not having her on saturday but picking her up on sunday night and she'll spend the night at my place - that's the plan anyway. This means I'll get friday and saturday off - and I can't wait :D

Bought a 1gb memory card for my phone on ebay today, can't wait for that to arrive, also bought a remote for my PS2. I'll sell my old DVD player on there so that'll be pretty good.

Ah well, guess it's all over for another year!

Act your age mama, not your shoe size.

Well that's done. Got up at 6.30am yesterday and was knocking on the door of Toys R Us at 8am. I figured it would be roofed - and boy was I wrong. No queues, nothing. Just me and one or two other people in the massive store, so I spent ages getting present for Alyssa. Bought some more bits and pieces around Swansea and and I was just about done by half 9. Bought Dad a maglight torch and Mam's having a bonzai tree. And that's about it!

My phone is now working, looking good with the new software. Just got to get a new fascia and I'll be happy with it.

Decided in order to get Guidance over as some kind of fake I'll need Mane, so I ordered it yesterday. Who knows when that will arrive...

Been wondering about Boxing day - what's going to happen at 11am? It won't feel right to see nothing. I really want to go and look, obviously from a distance.

This is your time to pay, this is your judgement day

It's amazing, I don't feel festive in any way. Maybe it's because I haven't had the radio on much recently, but tomorrow it all changes. Pay day and I've got the whole day off so I'll be busy all day. Looks like I'll be up early and be in Swansea by 9am, probably along with about 50,000 others. Still, I'm sure it'll be good.

The job is going surprisingly well so far but I need to progress. Excalibur in working mode is really different to the crappy training version which is too restrictive. I'm still finding my way around but I have to keep an eye on the old wizard which I think will be my bugbear.

Funnily enough, this is more like 04/05 than 01/02 which in some ways isn't so bad.

Looks like WWO is calling me - and a heel AGAIN...

Where were you while we were getting high?

Could this year be any more 5 years ago?

Maybe the contacts will return, still haven't made up my mind on those yet. Getting more and more used to the idea of mane again. Was that the last time? I think so, but has it really been that long? Apart from November 2002, I think yes it was. I have such an opportunity to make things different this time around, although it obviously depends on another Port Talbot Parkway event. If I don't get that then maybe I won't be too disappointed, after all what's the point of trying to recreate history? Invariably that just doesn't work. Will Love Walk In?

The JJB gym in Merthyr is amazing, went in the pool after my workout yesterday followed by the steam room, really refreshing. I'm determined to have an early morning session sooner rather than later.

Bought another 6280 on Ebay on wednesday - and by today it still hadn't arrived although the seller reckons he sent it on friday. Maybe it's just the Christmas post....

I mean come on, the guy has a feedback score of 300 with only 3 negatives and his listing was quite articulate, not like the kid who hawked me the stolen phone.

It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this

Work is tough - really tough. Mentally draining. I've never had to make such snap decisions in such tight deadlines before. Still it's worth it, the money is ridiculously good and I'm enjoying the challenges it brings up. Keep being told about opportunities to work all around the world - but I really don't want to leave South Wales.

Which reminds me - was accused of child abuse tonight. Nice. When our paths cross, my friend (and they will cross) you'll see a side of me you never knew existed. Of course, I'm not threatening violence. But take that for what it is. I know you read my blog. Nice to know you take such an interest in my life.

That smile was crying that you were mine

Latest assessment score - 97%. Quietly impressed with myself. Even happier that paypal ruled in my favour in the dispute I opened with that kid who sold me the stolen Nokia 6280. All the money came back to me today so I'm happy at that.

Was supposed to have Alyssa tonight but her mother forgot to tell me there was a concert this afternoon. Nice. I hate it when she does that. I spend all day yesterday looking forward to seeing her and now this. And of course I can't say a thing.

Started back at the gym today - at work I get a discount for the JJB Fitness Centre in Merthyr and it was my first work-out in about 3 months. I need to take it slowly but it was a good session, the equipment there is awesome. Looking forward to doing it again on friday.

We do what we like and we like what we do

Just by seeing one trigger object, lots of memories of my past can flood my mind. I've blogged enough about 2002, but that's not the only memorable year I've had. 2001 was powerful too.

In 2001 Tina and I thankfully split up. I then went off to Oxford for a few months (what a great experience that was) and returned a few months later. I sort of drifted for a few weeks then I joined ntl....and it all kicked off from there. Sharing with Tammy, meeting Vicki, dying my hair, driving to Norwich, buying my mountain bike, the Corus fire, huge pay rise, Freeserve, plans to see Iona, 8210, Uncle Kracker, Linkin Park, The Box music.......so many good memories!

A few days ago I decided to call the police in about the stolen 6280. I went to the police station and there was something familiar about the officer who dealt with me.....and I twigged straight away - she used to be on my team in ntl! Around Christmas 2001 we were all moved to different teams but she was part of the one I was in before the move. She always was nice to me, but I was with Vicki so I never considered doing anything about it.

Over the years I'd often wondered what happened to her and now I know. She remembered me, we had a laugh about the old days and it was really good to catch up.

She'll be calling me on tuesday to go over the rest of the details about the phone.

You are the bearer of unconditional things

Sometimes it's easier to be the bigger man just by walking away. You can often say so much more by saying very little. Bruce Lee proved that - mind you, he died of a swollen brain, so I don't know who to believe now.

Anyway, Ric Flair often says "to be the man you've got to beat the man". I'm about to commit wrestling suicide here - I've never rated Flair. Even though I'll never achieve 1% of what he's accomplished, I think he should have retired years ago (c'mon Ric, have you ever managed to fly from the top rope on to someone?). But maybe I'm in the minority on that one.

I can't do this all on my own, no, I'm no superman.

I love Scrubs. Can't believe how much Elliot is a perfect fusion of my cousin Heather and Claire Scott.

Got really psyched today - scored a perfect 100% on my PP paper today. Been bricking it all week, was expecting to get the spanish archer over it. Maybe this really is the start of something big. bigger than anything I've had before. Me? Growing up? How very dare you....