Come on you rambling boys of pleasure, and ladies of easy leisure.

Another year, another wrestler dead. Yesterday Scott 'Bam Bam' Bigelow died, he was 45. I wasn't ever really a fan of his but he was massively respected in the industry. No word yet on the cause of death and there's nothing to suggest anything untoward.

Found out today my old pal Joe E Legend is returning to wrestling in South Wales. Joe has worked for WWE, WCW and TNA and really doesn't come down here often enough. It's amazing to be backstage with a guy like him. Such a knowledgeable and humble bloke.

Got a show in Pencoed in about 14 hours' time and another in Cwmparc on friday.

Spent all afternoon producing 2 demos for Blumer today. I hate Cool Edit Pro.

I feel it's going down, 10 feet below the ground

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And Im waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised,
shes got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you

I cant live
With or without you
With or without you

All bright and shiny like they'd just arrived from Mars

Finally my 1Gb memory card arrived! Had my latest sample from Fish - I love having radio connections!

Getting more and more serious about moving closer to work. I never thought I'd like that town as much as I do. It doesn't have much going for it other than the character but it's sort of appealing. I can't describe it - you just have to see it to understand. Some really cool people on my team too - and Julie is the best! Gareth is a good trainer and all the guys are easy to get on with. Got some kind of affinity with Evan, maybe that's because he's near my age (I'm the oldest on the team) and is well spoken. Yeah, I like them all really. My qualifications could take me a lot further than this but I'm happy - no real need to move. I'm now earning a lot more than I've ever done (about £4000 pa more than ntl).

Spent a load of wonga on decent clobber today. Looking mighty fine if I say so myself. I need to get more Channel Allure Sport aftershave (been wearing it for the last 3 months) but the last lot I bought was only £12 from Ebay and I'm finding it hard to want to spend any more than that, but I can't find it at that price anywhere. My current favourite is David Beckham, followed by Hugo Boss Sport Motion (the one which comes in a silver ball) and CK Eternity.

Got a show tomorrow then I'm off to Blumer's house in the evening to do some production work on his demo. I can't believe him. In the space of about a year he's gone from renting a tiny flat to being almost married to a fabulous woman. I don't begrudge him in any way - in fact it couldn't have happened to nicer bloke. But the transformation is amazing.

The man said why do you think you're here?

I think the best advice I've ever been given is 'Life goes on'. Regardless of what life throws at you, the sun still rises in the east and sets in the west. Of course it never seems that way when you're confronted with another obstacle but that's how life tries to get at you. You don't look past it, instead you take one look at what's collapsed in front of you and panic. Life will never go the way you plan it - no, it's up to God to shape things and only He knows how things will go. So you can say things like "we'll be getting married this year" but that's only if it fits in with His plan. The expression 'God willing' had to come from somewhere.

I don't know anyone who suffers from Seasonal Adjustment Disorder but I always feel crap at this time of year. OK the nights are drawing out but there's nothing to look forward to. We normally get crappy weather in febuary and march and at least when the summer ended a few months ago we had Christmas to look forward to but now - nothing. Summer 2007 is so far away, that's not a nice thought. I would have said my birthday is something to look forward to but it means little to me now. I'd rather have more fun on Alyssa's birthday in July. She's started to work out she gets presents at Christmas AND her birthday, until recently whenever an advert for a toy would come on, she'd ask if she could have it for Christmas - now she's asking for things for her birthday. She's starting to get really headstrong and it would be too easy to let her get her own way but as soon as I give in, she'd realise she's in charge and her for own good, that's not what I want. She's got my wrapped around her little finger but there's no way I'm letting her know.

Loving you was easy and being true was hard

5 days in to 2007 and I can see where this year is going. The one glimmer of hope is that the repeat of August 2005 is over - I can move on from that, who knows if it will return. But that one is gone.

The CT issue is looming. I have a few choices here, I can take the big B, deftly avoid or try my luck in front of the man. B might be the only real escape.

As time goes by I'm becoming more and more infatuated with KT. She's been in my life for so long, she'll be in it for many many years to come too.

I really need to buckle down and hit the gym again. In the summer I was at my peak, I was looking and feeling great, the first time in ages but Cultech saw me lose all that. I'll try again but this time I'll hit it hard.

Watched my boxset of Dr Who last night - first time in ages. Christopher Eckleston - interesting choice of Dr, he should never have left.

Starting to feel the real me coming through again, which is always going to be good. Need to spend more time with my Porthcawl family soon. It's funny, I can feel the old nature in me battling against it - and it's winning for now. I'll win the war though.

So what can I look forward to in 2007? Well, the big B obviously. Perhaps moving closer to Merthyr? I think that's more than likely. Going to get my studies completed, as well as cement things with KT.

Never before have I wished I'd never met someone.